5 Qualities of a Good Therapist

I have had many years of therapy and have seen many therapists. I first started therapy as a child because of my parent's divorce and unfortunate family dynamics and then re-entered therapy as an adult thanks to unrelenting bipolar disorder.

It should come as no surprise, then, that I am a big believer in therapy. However, not all therapists are created equal. Here are five qualities I have found that make for a good therapist.

What I look for in a therapist as someone with bipolar disorder

1. They are well-versed in your condition. While therapy can be applied to many issues, it helps a great deal if your therapist specializes in the particular challenges of bipolar disorder. Remember, bipolar disorder is only present in a small percentage of people. Any therapist may not see those people very often. You want a therapist who talks to people like you every day.
2. They offer a therapy type that works for you. Just like you want a therapist who is well-versed in your condition, you also want one who is well-versed in the specific therapy you need. One size of therapy does not fit all. Consider if you want a longer-term therapy like psychodynamic therapy that can dig into deeper issues or something shorter-term that will teach you skills like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Make sure the therapist you choose practices the type you want frequently. (You can research therapy types before you meet with them or just engage in a conversation where you lay out your concerns and ask what they would recommend and why.)
3. They are non-judgmental. Everyone comes to therapy with their own needs and concerns. Everyone also comes to therapy with their own personality and likelihood of certain actions. No matter where you land in terms of needs, concerns, personality, or actions, your therapist should never judge you.
4. They are non-prescriptive. I believe a therapist shouldn’t typically outright tell you what to do. Therapists can offer an opinion, of course, but actually demanding you perform certain actions isn’t appropriate. (There is a caveat. If you want a prescriptive therapist, go for it, but I’ve found most aren’t.)
5. They share a good rapport with you. Even if the above four points are true, it doesn’t still doesn't necessarily mean they are the best therapist for you. There is an intangible between 2 people that makes a relationship work or not. Some people just mesh with certain therapists better than others. When looking for a good therapist, consider overall fit.

How to find a good therapist

You can find out about the above points by interviewing your therapist when you meet. Yes, interview. It can feel like therapists are in a position of authority, so you might find it difficult to take the reins in a meeting and ask the questions you need to get the above information.

But remember, you are paying them. They actually work for you. That doesn’t necessarily mean they will always say something you like, but it does mean you have the right to assess them as a professional before entering into a relationship with them.

There are many good therapists out there, and many of them can help you. If you look for the above points, you’re more likely to have a good therapist who will work for you.