Bipolar Disorder: Am I Normal?

I have been in and out of different mental health circles since my bipolar diagnosis back in 2009. The mental health world is full of one-liners that are meant to be inspirational or comforting. One such phrase is, "There's no such thing as normal!"

I don't know how many people really think about that line. On the surface, it seems like it would be helpful and comforting, but I disagree.

Is there such a thing as normal?

We are often told that there is no such thing as normal and that everyone is their own unique person. Yes, it's true that we are all unique people. However, what that statement ignores is the actual context of why many mentally ill people feel we aren't normal.

Have you ever had a six week long suicidal flat spin because of a television commercial? I have. Have you burned through dozens of jobs and relationships because of your instability? I have. Have you ever known that God was sending you messages through the weather or newspaper? I have.

Does any of that sound "normal" to you? Fu*k no! These are the kinds of things we are thinking about when we conclude that we aren't normal.

Coping with bipolar episodes

I wish I didn't have my first suicide attempt at 15. I wish I had been able to finish college when I first went. I wish that I had been able to have a stable career and life before I was in my 30s. I wish I hadn't exploded two engagements to wonderful women. I wish I hadn't been abusive to previous romantic partners. I wish that I never had someone I love look at me with fear in their eyes.

I wish I didn't have to take a dozen pills a day to function normal-ish.

Normal people don't have to live with these things. I do, because I'm not normal. I'm High-Functioning Autistic with Bipolar Disorder and (probably) Major Depression Disorder. And because of that, I can't live my life like a "normal" person. I'll doom myself to failure if I do.

Acceptance and bipolar wellness

I can't live my life like a normal person and expect to thrive. I need to live my life like a person with HFA and Bipolar Disorder with severe depression. It doesn't matter what I want. It only matters what I need.

I need to take these pills so I don't go off the deep end again.

I need to use these skills I learned in talk therapy and anger management.

I need to be aware of my moods and regularly examine them for instability.

I need to utilize whatever support I need to be successful in living with my mental illness.

I need to do the things that allow me to live a fruitful, stable life as a person with Bipolar Disorder. Otherwise, there's a good chance I'll burn everything to the ground.

How I live a happier life

The people that tell us that "there is no such thing as normal" mean well, but it's not what we need to hear. I'm not normal, you're not normal, and if you try to live like a person without a mental illness you're going to struggle and fail.

We mentally ill people have to account for our atypical experiences so we can live a happier life. We have to do the things that make sense for us as mentally ill people - the therapy, the meds, the appointments, the blood work - whatever your treatment plan happens to be.

The sooner you can embrace and love that, the easier everything gets. How do you get to that kind of acceptance and self-love? I suggest making it a goal in talk therapy. It's a deep, personal subject that's going to differ from person-to-person.

As for me? My acceptance and self-love comes from my ability to sit here and write this article for you.

Be well. And remember - take your meds as directed. If you're having a hard time on them, want to quit or change them, talk to your doctor before you do anything.