Bipolar, Sex, and Shame: Breaking the Silence on Hypersexuality
Hypersexuality is one of the least talked about and most misunderstood symptoms of bipolar disorder. While mood swings, depression, and mania are widely recognized, the impact of hypersexuality on those living with bipolar disorder remains largely hidden — buried under layers of stigma, shame, and silence.
What Is hypersexuality in bipolar disorder?
To paraphrase the definition found in “The Concept of ‘Hypersexuality’ in the Boundary between Physiological and Pathological Sexuality, hypersexuality is "the psychological and behavioral changes that drive sexual experiences in inappropriate ways, that are not completely satisfactory.”1
In other words, people who are experiencing hypersexuality are sexually hungry, want to seek out inappropriate sexual experiences, and yet are sexually unfulfilled, and thus look for more sexual experiences.
It is often associated with manic or hypomanic episodes, where you might experience increased impulsivity, risk-taking, and an insatiable drive for sexual activity. This could mean engaging in multiple sexual encounters, using pornography compulsively, sexting excessively, or even putting yourself in unsafe situations.2
I’m not saying hypersexuality is responsible for someone’s behavior, but it certainly can be responsible for the drive behind that behavior.
Shame and stigma
Hypersexuality is a particularly stigmatized symptom of bipolar disorder. People experiencing hypersexuality often feel ashamed and struggle to admit what they’re going through, even to therapists or loved ones.
On top of this is what hypersexuality may have driven a person to do. If a person is manic and has had sex with a number of partners, they are at risk of a possible sexually transmitted infection and pregnancy. Hypersexuality can drive people to seek out unsafe sexual situations where things happen without their consent. Additionally, some people with bipolar disorder who are in monogamous relationships find it extremely difficult to stay monogamous when they are hypersexual.
It's different for women
As a woman, I’ve found it very hard to admit to hypersexuality. I think this is because women are not thought of in this way in our society. Many people think men seek out sex, but women supposedly don’t. So, if I have to admit to sexual activity that is outside my norm and deal with the possible ramifications, I can feel truly ashamed.
Rather than being seen as a symptom of a mental illness, hypersexuality is often mistaken for a personal failing, a lack of self-control, or even an excuse for out-of-character actions. As a result, many people with bipolar disorder suffer in silence, feeling isolated and unworthy of support.
What happens when we can't talk about it?
Because hypersexuality is so rarely discussed, people may not even realize it’s a symptom. For example, no doctor has ever talked to me about it, even to this day, despite the fact that I think it’s critical information for those with bipolar disorder. If hypersexuality can drive us to unsafe behavior, more information about it may be able to protect us from that behavior. I know I would have appreciated the warning.
Additionally, if no doctor talks to you about it, it may be very difficult to broach the subject on your own and ask for help. Hypersexuality truly is a symptom of bipolar disorder and, thus, something your doctor needs to know about, so dealing with it can be part of your treatment plan.
Breaking the silence on hypersexuality
I know that every time I write about hypersexuality, people thank me. That’s because more people than you think suffer with this symptom in silence. But the more we talk about it, the more we admit to it, the more we can get help for it. Hypersexuality does not have to ruin your relationships or your life. Hypersexuality doesn’t have to put you in danger. You can get treated and learn how to deal with hypersexuality with healthy coping skills. While I still feel hypersexual at times, now I know it’s a symptom and don’t let it control my actions.
By breaking the silence, we can replace shame with understanding and support. Hypersexuality is a real and challenging part of bipolar disorder, but with open conversations and compassionate care, people can regain control and heal.
