"Talking About It" vs. Therapy: The Difference Matters

As a person with bipolar disorder who's spent a lot of time in mental health circles, one of the most common phrases I've heard is, "You should talk to someone." Having a problem? Experiencing stress? Depressed? Anxious? Teetering on the edge of falling face first into an oblivion that you're certain you'll never be able to recover from?

You should probably talk to someone!

Just talk about it!

Hey! Here's a novel idea! How about you go fffff....ly a kite? Fly a kite. Yeah, that's way less hostile. Good work, brain.

I don't want to talk about it. I've never wanted to talk about it. And the times I did talk about it? They've never helped. Ever. In fact, they usually made things worse or were used against me later. Apparently, a lot of people feel some kind of better when they talk about it? They feel close to other people and they like... connect or something?

Not me.

I'm not wired that way

I suspect it might be because I'm on the high-end of the autistic spectrum which took a wrecking ball to many of my social processes. I also wonder if toxic masculinity might have played some role in that somewhere. I'm from a blue collar area in a smaller Rust Belt city. It's not exactly the kind of place you'd expect a ton of progressiveness in.

But it wasn't that anyone directly called you a hard homosexual slur or laughed at you for having feelings. It was really more like, "We have a job to do. Feel your feelings on your own time, princess. We have work to do." Except no one tells you how to feel your feelings so you drown the trauma of life in alcoholism or addiction.

Talk about it? Yeah, sure.

I prefer words on a page

This may come as a shock to you, so brace yourself... but I'm a writer. I know, you're sitting there reading my words, thinking, "How did I not see that coming?" But it's true! I words good so I put the words on the page so I can words gooder to be a better words guy for you to read.

As a writer, I think about the use of words and phrases a ridiculous amount of time. For example, I'll be sitting in a drive-thru waiting for food, thinking, "What is the dictionary definition of the word 'the'?"

"Talking about it" vs. therapy

I spent 15 years undiagnosed with bipolar disorder. After diagnosis, I spent a lot of time reflecting on why I didn't want to seek help. I believe that one reason is that I just didn't understand there was a difference between "talking about it" and "therapy" because "talk about it" cannot possibly convey the message that we hope it'll send.

The language that you use to deliver a message is vastly more important than what the message actually is. The wrong language just causes confusion and misinterpretations, as it does in this case.

Therapy is different

I equated "therapy" to wasting time and money to talk to some prick being paid to care. Frankly, oxycodone sounded like a better investment in time and money.

My assumption was based on an incorrect understanding of a phrase that just doesn't communicate well. I know that misunderstanding keeps other people like me from going to therapy, too. If you're one of those people, let me share with you the difference.

Emotional support vs. treatment tool for bipolar

"Talking about it" is seeking emotional support from friends, loved ones, or other people willing to offer emotional support to help you get through a tough time.

Therapy is working with a licensed professional who is familiar with different methods (also called modalities) of improving your mental and emotional health that have been studied and used by thousands of other people to improve their mental and emotional health.

It's not sitting around and talking like you would a friend. It's not a magic wand that'll just erase all of the things you've experienced. Therapy is a tool to learn how to manage your mind and emotions in a healthier way. That's it.

Therapy is not just "talking about it"

Maybe some day I'll words gooder enough to think of a compact three word sentence that communicates all of that. Until then, I'll just have to go with the following - I've found therapy to be an exceptional tool for improving my quality of thoughts, emotions, and mental health. You may too, even if you think it's bullshit.

Therapy is not talking about it. Don't discount it if you've made that mistake too.

Be well. And remember – take your meds as directed. If you're having a hard time on them, want to quit or change them, talk to your doctor before you do anything.