Bipolar Disorder: Am I Happy Or Manic?
Few things are more confusing than trying to figure out if you're happy or experiencing euphoria. Some of us people with bipolar disorder live in fear of happiness and feeling good because it can sometimes be impossible to see a difference. Some of us even shut down our own happiness out of fear.
I have a strategy that I use to try to see the difference. Personally, I don't experience euphoria often or very long until the anger and irritability kicks in, but I still find it helpful.
Euphoria vs. mania with bipolar disorder
The basis of my personal approach is that fact that euphoria and mania are not interchangeable. Euphoria is a symptom of mania. Not everyone who experiences mania will experience euphoria. The problem is that bipolar disorder is commonly described as "highs and lows" but that's not accurate for everyone.
Personally, mine are less highs, and more like moving intensely forward. Like, foot slammed on the gas of a sports car for about 3 to 6 months. There is really nothing "high" about it, but I find that a majority equate "high" with "happy" because people talk about euphoria more than anything else in relation to hypomanic or manic cycles.
With that in mind, I can better pull apart my moods and emotions.
Characteristics of euphoria
Euphoria comes with escalation, so I look for other symptoms of mania or hypomania to try to gauge if what I'm experiencing is healthy or not. If I can find other symptoms, there's a chance I'm unwell. I look for things like:
- Feeling too good and energetic to not sleep
- Feeling a deep spiritual connection that brings great joy
- Other people just "not getting" my overwhelming joy
- Giving away possessions or money because I don't need material items to be happy
- I'm not experiencing other emotions as intensely or at all
- The happiness and joy burns brilliant and intense, like a wildfire that can't be put out
- Lacking the ability to self-reflect because why would I? I'M FINALLY HAPPY AND PROBABLY DON'T HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER! I'M CURED!
These are just my examples. You'll have to figure out yours. A talk therapist should be able to help you.
Characteristics of happiness
Good indicators that it's happiness rather than euphoria are more like:
- I'm able to experience emotions other than happiness. If something bad happens, I'm supposed to have negative feelings. That's the way healthy emotions work!
- Happiness is not chaotic. The times I've experienced euphoria there was a lot of chaos going on in my head at the same time.
- I'm able to actually dissect and think about my emotions. If I'm escalated? WHY WOULD I BOTHER?! I FEEL ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!!
Happiness vs. euphoria
Many people don't walk around happy for no reason. Some people are naturally happier than others. However, just because you don't walk around in a constant state of rainbows and butterflies doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Sometimes you have to do things that make you happy to feel happy rather than relying on it manifesting out of nowhere.
Happiness is far more soft and gentle than euphoria. Happiness is more like feeling the sun on your face on a sunny day or sitting next to a low campfire on a cool night. It's not a conflagration that burns up your opportunities, job, or relationships.
This or That
What do you need more of this week?
You can't buy happiness
Listen, I'm not a guy who studies philosophy, religion, and whatever other things promise you perfect happiness. But what I am is someone who did sketchy things in the past to ethically and unethically sell happiness to people.
Anyone that promises you unparalleled, perfect happiness is a liar and fraud. There's no such thing. Humanity has been trying to figure out how to attain that for thousands of years. And this person who wants you to buy their $50 book, $500 system, or $2500 seat at a convention is the one that figured it out?
Nah. They're full of shit. They have an immaculately crafted personal brand designed to trick you into believing them so they can steal your hope, your chance at genuine happiness, and your money.
Wellness takes work
Anyone that promises you perfect happiness at all times, even when life is cruel and ugly, is either lying or possibly mentally unwell themselves. Don't believe these people.
Be well. And remember - take your meds as directed. If you're having a hard time on them, want to quit or change them, talk to your doctor before you do anything.
